December 2011
5 posts
Please fire me. My boss farts in the hallway outside my office. He often tells me I need to work on my maturity.
Please fire me. There is mouse droppings on my desk. The guy that sits near me is the one with crumbs around his desk, not me.
6 tags
Please fire me. I get paid less than the 16-year-olds I train.
5 tags
Please fire me. I was just told by my boss I would get written up next time I asked her why we do things.
5 tags
Please fire me. I work with a lady who says “It’s not rocket scientry!” on a daily basis.
November 2011
6 posts
7 tags
Please fire me. I saw my co-worker trying to act casually in his car while he got a blow job from a girl we work with, which was parked across from our building.
Please fire me. My boss needs a new vocabulary. I’m really tired of shaking trees, circling wagons, thinking outside of boxes, and trying to be on the same page.
6 tags
Please fire me. I was asked to stop a canned food drive for a battered women and children shelter because it was tacky.
7 tags
Please fire me. I am forced to sit on the floor and work during shift overlaps; they rarely vacuum.
7 tags
9 tags
Please fire me. I work with a bunch of middle-aged egocentrics who act like they’re 16 and dress like they’re streetwalkers.
October 2011
22 posts
6 tags
Please fire me. Yesterday I had to scan an entire book (300 pages) and email it to one of my bosses. Today, he told me that he accidentally deleted the email and needs me to do it again.
7 tags
Please fire me. A co-worker of mine repeatedly asks me for the password to one of our software programs. Every time he does, I forward him the email I sent him the very first time he asked… over a year ago.
8 tags
Please fire me. During my performance review, I was told I wouldn’t be getting a raise because I’m not peppy enough. My job entails filing paperwork.
8 tags
Please fire me. I may not get a well-deserved raise because I didn’t say good morning to my co-workers.
8 tags
Please fire me. My co-workers use the unisex bathroom to have sex.
5 tags
Please fire me. My boss makes all his calls on speaker phone and then proceeds to tell me about the entire phone call. I sit right out side his office; I can hear all his calls myself.
6 tags
Please fire me. The child I babysit put a pink vibrator on my bare arm. And her older brother likens me daily to overweight characters, such as everyone from the movie Heavyweights and Pumba.
7 tags
Please fire me. When I try to let my boss know about staff problems, he blames it on Obama.
6 tags
Please fire me. I was taking a dump in the men’s room when two of my female co-workers walked in and started whispering about their stomach stapling.
8 tags
Please fire me. I work with a woman who believes she is an actual cast member of Sex and the City. She’s a counselor and often prefaces her advice with, “On Sex and the City they say…”
9 tags
Please fire me. My boss keeps bringing her dogs in to work. They like to sit by me and show off their horrible gas problems.
8 tags
Please fire me. My boss gave me grief for taking a personal day for jury duty; she took a whole day off to get her hair cut.
11 tags
7 tags
Please fire me. I found a butt plug in the lost and found today at work.
10 tags
8 tags
Please fire me. I was yelled at for completing a task too early in my shift, which resulted in our Cold War era computer system getting confused and thinking I did it twice.
9 tags
Please fire me. My co-worker borrowed my phone to take a picture and then sext it to himself.
11 tags
Please fire me. I work in a warehouse in my boss’s basement and she refuses to get the mice exterminated. They poop on my desk and keyboard every night and store food in my printer.
8 tags
Please fire me. Today at work a lady tried returning a package of adult diapers and proceeded to start yelling at me when I refused to refund her. The package had been opened and one of the diapers looked like it had been used.
7 tags
Please fire me. Every time I have to “positively express my feelings about my job through interpretive dancing” at a staff meeting, I die a little on the inside.
7 tags
Please fire me. I start my day at 4am, crying before I get ready for work.
8 tags
Please fire me. I was just accused of being prejudice against white people. I’m white.
September 2011
44 posts
8 tags
Please fire me. I’m a girl so my boss feels he can criticize my hair and constantly give me fashion advice. He’s a 40-year-old bald man who dresses like a gangster.
7 tags
Please fire me. I deliver pizza. Tonight, I rang a customer’s doorbell only to find an old man wearing a t-shirt, but no pants, sitting Indian-style on the floor. He was beyond intoxicated but still conscious enough to make sure to get all his change. I had to see old-man junk and received a tip of zero dollars.
7 tags
8 tags
Take This Job and Shove It | Reader's Digest →
Thanks Reader’s Digest for featuring our book Please Fire Me: Posts from the Revolting Workplace this month! Suggestion: The writer behind this gets tomorrow off.
7 tags
Please fire me. My preschoolers sneeze and cough in my face all day long and one sneezed into my mouth. I’m happy to say I’m on my death bed right know with only God knows. And I get to see them in about seven hours. JOY!
7 tags
Please fire me. I’m a 19-year-old girl. I don’t want to be an unskilled manual labourer working in a warehouse local to me for the rest of my life.
7 tags
Please fire me. I’m the only female among nine guys at work, thus I’m the only person who has to sit in order to pee. I have to wipe about 10 pubes off the seat before I go.
7 tags
Please fire me. My boss slams doors when they aren’t shut all the way, then looks at us.
7 tags
Please fire me. I had to explain to a woman if we are out of stock of an item it is not in the store for a whole 30 minutes.
7 tags
Please fire me. In August I told you I needed Wednesday afternoons off in September (because of school). And what did you do? You scheduled me every Wednesday afternoon for the month of September.
9 tags
Please fire me. An old man stabbed me with a fork when I tried to take his wife’s dirty dish. It was an empty plate. He said, “You need to make sure she is finished.”
8 tags
Please fire me. When my 60-year-old boss talks to me I can see his eyes going straight from my face to my chest.
7 tags
Please fire me. I just got yelled at by a customer for not putting a fork in his bag. He proceeded to tell me that I deserved to be mopping the floors rather than helping customers.
8 tags
Please fire me. My boss calls me some guy’s name that retired three years ago, even though I have been working there for two years.
8 tags
Please fire me. A customer just yelled at me for her ice not staying on the bottom of her cup of coffee.
10 tags
Please fire me. When I asked my boss if we could “roast” my retiring co-worker, she replied, “No, I think she likes pasta better.”
8 tags
Please fire me. I was yelled at for typing too loud.