Please fire me. I work in construction which requires a lot of different tools for different jobs. When I was called to a job last minute, I was berated because I didn’t have the necessary tools. After we concluded that I couldn’t have known what to bring, I asked my boss, ”Do you expect me to pull tools out of my ass? What do you think I am, a spider?” He did not get the joke…at all.
Please fire me. My boss yelled at me because I wouldn’t let his teenage sons run the press and paper cutter while he was out. I also clocked out to drive them home. They were so stoned they couldn’t stand up, but I’m the reason the company’s not productive.
Please fire me. We recently hired a new general manager, who tends to over-explain very simple things. Today, regrettably, I asked him to double check a tax exemption profile I filled out, as it was federal and I’m more accustomed to state. The thirty minute seminar ended with him explaining how to use a stapler remover.
Please fire me. I wear pencil skirts a lot and since I have a nice shape and big booty my boss is always rubbing past it. And then he says sorry and asks the same question over and over, “How many squats do you do woman!!??”
Please fire me. Today we were forced to attend a spiritual resiliency briefing. it lasted three hours. I left closer to jumping off a cliff than I’ve ever been. My spirit is feeling the exact opposite of resilient. Thanks for that.
Please fire me. I work as a massage therapist at a small clinic. I have a small case of vertigo. I told the office manager, who was also a massage therapist at one point, that my vertigo was bothering me. She asked me, “What is that?”
Please fire me. Everyone else in the office got a new computer except for me even though mine crashes and blue screens multiple times daily. The reason: I don’t need a fully functioning computer. My job: social media marketing and website management.
Please fire me. My manager told me not give an old woman her money back. I went to tell this woman, and she became very upset. My manager walks out and says to me, “She can have her money back, why did you not give it to her?”
Please fire me. After 10 years paying my dues in the industry, I had my interview for my first executive chef position. The owner opened with “I can hire anyone off the street to be a chef, even a bum.”
Please fire me. I have a coworker that claims he got shot in the chest four times but there are magically no scars…and he’s still alive to blast Disney’s “Let it Go” in the mornings and sing along to it. Gangsta!
Please fire me. I work at a summer camp and was attacked by a five year old who ripped off the buttons on my shorts. I was on the ground and terrified to push him off me and hurt him or something. The counselor who pulled him off was sued and fired.
Please fire me. I was told by my District Manager that I couldn’t take a day off to go to my Grandmother’s funeral because it was a few days before Christmas, and “How close were you REALLY?” Company policy is two paid days - he said that he didn’t recognize that policy.
Please fire me. I took pictures and created a post in an effort to sell one of our work trucks on the internet. I was told to “get it on as many sites as possible”. A day later - my boss told me to take them all down and that I should “reboot the internet” if I had to to make sure they were all gone.
Please fire me. I work as a dog walker and was just instructed by a new client today that she would be leaving out wet-wipes for me to use. When I asked what they were for, she told me every time her dog pooped or peed during the walk, I needed to wipe her clean. Like a human. Every time.
Please fire me. I was getting ready to have a very important meeting at work with two female coworkers, and my boss walked in and told us that he couldn’t decide who he would pick for ‘snog, marry, avoid’ out of the three of us. He then made up his mind up and told us.