Please fire me. I wear pencil skirts a lot and since I have a nice shape and big booty my boss is always rubbing past it. And then he says sorry and asks the same question over and over, “How many squats do you do woman!!??”
Please fire me. Today we were forced to attend a spiritual resiliency briefing. it lasted three hours. I left closer to jumping off a cliff than I’ve ever been. My spirit is feeling the exact opposite of resilient. Thanks for that.
Please fire me. I work as a massage therapist at a small clinic. I have a small case of vertigo. I told the office manager, who was also a massage therapist at one point, that my vertigo was bothering me. She asked me, “What is that?”
Please fire me. Everyone else in the office got a new computer except for me even though mine crashes and blue screens multiple times daily. The reason: I don’t need a fully functioning computer. My job: social media marketing and website management.
Please fire me. My manager told me not give an old woman her money back. I went to tell this woman, and she became very upset. My manager walks out and says to me, “She can have her money back, why did you not give it to her?”
Please fire me. After 10 years paying my dues in the industry, I had my interview for my first executive chef position. The owner opened with “I can hire anyone off the street to be a chef, even a bum.”
Please fire me. I have a coworker that claims he got shot in the chest four times but there are magically no scars…and he’s still alive to blast Disney’s “Let it Go” in the mornings and sing along to it. Gangsta!
Please fire me. I work at a summer camp and was attacked by a five year old who ripped off the buttons on my shorts. I was on the ground and terrified to push him off me and hurt him or something. The counselor who pulled him off was sued and fired.
Please fire me. I was told by my District Manager that I couldn’t take a day off to go to my Grandmother’s funeral because it was a few days before Christmas, and “How close were you REALLY?” Company policy is two paid days - he said that he didn’t recognize that policy.
Please fire me. I took pictures and created a post in an effort to sell one of our work trucks on the internet. I was told to “get it on as many sites as possible”. A day later - my boss told me to take them all down and that I should “reboot the internet” if I had to to make sure they were all gone.
Please fire me. I work as a dog walker and was just instructed by a new client today that she would be leaving out wet-wipes for me to use. When I asked what they were for, she told me every time her dog pooped or peed during the walk, I needed to wipe her clean. Like a human. Every time.
Please fire me. I was getting ready to have a very important meeting at work with two female coworkers, and my boss walked in and told us that he couldn’t decide who he would pick for ‘snog, marry, avoid’ out of the three of us. He then made up his mind up and told us.
Please fire me. The men’s toilet at work is always covered in piss, smeared with shit and have dirty toilet paper everywhere. No one says anything about that, but in the women’s toilet there is a note remembering the female employees to have special care hiding their used pads ‘cause “no one needs to know you’re having your period, this is gross”. Apparently male co-workers shitting everywhere is more acceptable than female co-workers throwing their pads where they are supposed to go.
Please fire me. I’m a disabled athlete (prosthetic legs) who instructs adaptive sports at a ski resort, and my co-worker treats me so condescendingly and childishly that, despite my uniform and name tag and paycheck, the rest of the resort staff thinks I’m a participant in the program who she instructs. I am an adult woman, a world-class athlete, I’ve worked there for 4 years, and I am this woman’s literal superior at work.
Please fire me. I did several experiments for my boss (I work in a biomedical research lab) and she used my data in her publications but did not make me an author. Meanwhile my coworker’s son, a high school student, has been made second author on several papers, a position usually reserved for experienced researchers with PhDs. His contribution? Counting data points on a graph prepared by his mother and handing her the numbers.