November 2010
26 posts
4 tags
Please fire me. My boss let his pug dog decide who would go on a business trip.
5 tags
Please fire me. I spoke to my new supervisor about the hours I would be available during my next semester of college. His first comment was “What’s a semester?”
5 tags
Please fire me. We found out that the drinking water dispensers were hooked up to the HVAC system. This means we’ve been drinking an anti-corrosive chemical for the last five years.
7 tags
Please fire me. My boss just gave me pamphlets to straight camps and told me that the company would pay for it if I went. He also gave me his daughter’s phone number for when I’m done with said camps.
4 tags
Please fire me. The head boss is such a control freak that he doesn’t allow paper clips in the office. For Christmas decoration, it was only appropriate that I make a green and red paper clip chain.
3 tags
Please fire me. Instead of paying their employees a reasonable wage, the company I work for invested in making a CD of Broadway-musical-style songs about the how awesome the company is. They play it to kick off every meeting. *jazz hands*
5 tags
6 tags
Please fire me. I went to a concert and saw about ten of my students less drunk than I was.
4 tags
Please fire me. My forty-year-old co-worker mentions every day that she was “gifted and talented” as a child.
4 tags
6 tags
Please fire me. My boss and co-workers repeatedly say “conversate” and “more better” in conversation.
4 tags
Please fire me. My co-worker decided to state after watching a gangland movie the night before that she didn’t want to join a gang because she didn’t want to be killed by “a thug, heroin-usin’, gun-wieldin’, black man or Mexican!” Then she clarified, “I don’t want to be prejudiced.”
Please fire me. The guy one cubicle over has argued on the phone alternately between his ex-wife, female lawyer, and new girlfriend from when he walked in this morning until he just hung up and punched out. He also kept popping his head out the side of the cubicle and saying how he just needs a 22-year-old Asian or red head girl to take care of him and his big, expensive empty house.
7 tags
5 tags
Please fire me. While canvassing, my co-worker had to relieve himself. We stopped at a grocery store and when I didn’t get out of the car he suggested that I hang out in the frozen food section “to watch the chicks’ nipples get hard.”
2 tags
Please fire me. My co-worker returned to the office today after suffering an alcohol-induced injury. We all had to suffer the gory details. He had pictures in case we couldn’t imagine what was beneath his bandages.
3 tags
Please fire me. My co-worker has been on the phone fighting with her boyfriend about who said what in Home Depot for the last 20 minutes.
6 tags
2 tags
Please fire me. Today in the bathroom while I was at the sink, one of my co-workers entered, bypassed the urinal, and went to relieve himself in one of the stalls. Upon coming out, he explained, “When I use that urinal I piss all over myself.”
4 tags
Please fire me. I found a rat hanging out in my printer when I was reloading paper at 5am this morning. It ran away so quickly and is nowhere to be found. I am now wide awake, with my desk drawers closed, and my feet in my chair.
4 tags
Please fire me. I waited ten minutes to be let in to work because the managers were too busy talking to each other on the phone. Their offices are about 150 feet apart.
6 tags
Please fire me. I work with a 50-something, menopausal, overly-anal woman who has an issue with “noise”. I also work with a 40-something woman who, upon finding out that a man is not attracted to her, says, “Have you seen me?” I also have the pleasure of working with someone who has a family member “pass away” every month.
6 tags
5 tags
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Please fire me. I work in a basement in which sewer gas is constantly emanating from the floor drains. Every time it rains, green slime bubbles out of the break area sink, and the smell gets exponentially worse. The blue carpet in the office areas is brown from never being cleaned. Management deflects all complaints with “too expensive to fix.” This the same company that just spent...
5 tags
Please fire me. I’m 23. Our 67-year-old grant writer told me he had a sex dream about me, and repeatedly exclaimed that the things we did in said dream were “sinful! Just sinful! You wouldn’t believe it!” We have a staff of four and all work in the same room.