March 2010
248 posts
3 tags
Please fire me. Our co-worker down the hall has no sense of smell but insists on using cheap, overpowering plug-in air fresheners which gives us headaches and smell nasty.
Please fire me. My boss just told my co-worker and me to “bite him” in our weekly marketing meeting.
4 tags
Please fire me. My cubemate will figure out a “hardcore” programming concept like an IF statement, and then walk around for the next 20 minutes saying things like, “I think I just came!”
4 tags
Please fire me. My boss could not figure how to get a picture from his email to his desktop. Since his problem involved a “graphic element”, he called a graphic designer to fix it.
Please fire me. The woman in the office next to me groans like she’s having an orgasm every few minutes.
4 tags
Please fire me. My co-worker breastfeeds her infant at her desk. We share an office.
5 tags
Please fire me. My officemate constantly pops her gum. I tried getting the hint across by expressing how annoying it was that another co-worker pops their gum. She said, “OMG! I know!!!”
5 tags
Please fire me. My secretary quoted my own Facebook profile to me.
4 tags
Please fire me. It is possible to not even work for weeks and our bosses would never know.
5 tags
Please fire me. Someone asked me if they could change the sauce on their chicken alfredo to alfredo instead of meat sauce.
5 tags
Please fire me. Everyone in my section of the office just had to put up with our co-workers’ 20-minute discussion of total strangers’ medical issues, with details like: “Her ovary was the size of a grapefruit.”
5 tags
Please fire me. My boss picked his nose during his presentation to over 400 people, then looked at his booger.
6 tags
Please fire me. My boss had a Post-it note stuck in her disgusting hair, along with pieces of doughnut, while we were meeting with a potential PR firm. It dropped out in the middle of the meeting, and she yelled, “Where did this come from?!”
How do you answer that?
5 tags
Please fire me. My co-worker often blames “terrible traffic” for turning up late. We start work at 5am.
5 tags
Please fire me. My co-workers told me I don’t need a raise or promotion because my husband’s business is doing well. I don’t work with or for my husband .
Please fire me. My bald manager’s nickname for me is “Queen of the Fly-Aways”.
Please fire me. My boss wears sunglasses inside when talking with clients . Occasionally, he will put the sunglasses on top of his head. What is worse?
Please fire me. My 30-year-old co-worker complains all the time regarding certain duties of front desk reception & insurance billing. Stating “thats not my job”. Mind your she is the “Front Desk Receptionist & Insurance Coordinator”.
Please fire me. By the looks of it, drinking water from the water cooler makes women pregnant. I just don’t have time for a baby now so I guess I’ll start bringing bottled.
5 tags
Please fire me. There is only one cube in between me and a woman who will not shut up about her pregnancy. The day I heard her retell seven times how, when and where she got pregnant in graphic detail was a banner day. She even brought the peed-on test in to show everyone.
5 tags
Please fire me. I drive a truck that smells like rotting whale blubber.
5 tags
Please fire me. At a restaurant I work at, I innocently asked what the customer, “Would you like to order?” and he proceeded to seriously ask me with a straight face, “Would you like to like my a**hole?”
4 tags
Please fire me. Most of our regular customers, as well as half the staff, call me by my co-worker’s name. She is eight months pregnant. I am not.
4 tags
From Website to Book Deal: PleaseFireMe.com |... →
From Galleycat, “PleaseFireMe.com has just sold the book rights to Citadel Press at auction. Citadel Press is the publisher of the New York Times bestselling book, I Hope They Sell Beer in Hell by Tucker Max.
Acquiring editor, Amy Pyle is said to envision it as a huge franchise. In fact, according to founder and co-author, Adam Chromy, she says, “When I first brought it up at...
5 tags
Please fire me. My boss calls mandatory meetings and always starts them off with 10 minutes of trying to get his laptop to work with the projector, then turns to the crowd and asks, “I bet you are all wondering why the big dog has asked you all here today?” and then proceeds to stare blankly at the audience for another five.
5 tags
Please fire me. Our office is dead silent right now and one of my co-workers just yelled out “Ho! Ho! Ho!” really loud like she is Santa.
6 tags
Please fire me. My boss is in a cult. He keeps bringing his cult leader into work to talk to me because I’m not godlike enough. He’s also my uncle.
5 tags
Please fire me. My boss once said in a meeting with all her staff: “I don’t want anyone to assume that they have any clue they know what they’re doing.”
4 tags
Please fire me. My boss constantly says “Gotchhhaaa….” in conversations. She even held a meeting with our department that was titled “Intellectual Gotchhhaaa…”.
4 tags
Please fire me. Someone got shot in the mall I work out today. Also, we had to throw away two sweaters due to someone jizzing on them.
6 tags
Please fire me. I have been here for four years and have yet to get a raise because of “budget problem”. They just hired a freelancer to work, receiving $150,000 for three months pay.
6 tags
Please fire me. My wonderful cube is directly across two lonely cat ladies who constantly talk about their pets like they’re children. Every day it’s a new story about how they play together, what they like to eat, or how they cry when they’re hungry. When they start talking, my co-workers email me pictures of Toonces the Driving Cat from SNL or whatever other crazy cat picture they find.
3 tags
6 tags
5 tags
Please fire me. The school I work at has an “initials list” of all the employees’ initials. Why this is necessary I do not know. After working here 12 years, I was asked if I could change my initials because a new employee has the same intials and, “It’s really important she keeps hers.”
Not only did they ask me to do this, they gave me suggestions of what I could use—which...
4 tags
Please fire me. My boss sent me home to change because I was showing “too much cleavage”. I can see right through her blouse, she’s over 50 and doesn’t have an undershirt on.
4 tags
Please fire me. I make less now than I did in school.
Please fire me. I have a 40-year-old co-worker that walks around talking about when she lived in Florida how fabulous the weather was. She then pulls her shirt up over her belly and lets her stomach hang out with her underwear sticking out the back. Keep in mind: We work at a preschool.
Please fire me. Every day after I come back from lunch one of my coworkers points at me and says, “back in action.”
Please fire me. Some guy at work who’s desk is covered with Paris Hilton and Megan Fox photos told me he doesn’t like Rihanna’s new haircut.
6 tags
Please fire me. I’ve been working here for three years and you still cannot pronounce my name correctly. I am your only employee.
Please fire me. The guy in the cubical two away from my office has automated chimes. They ring constantly.
4 tags
Please fire me. Whenever any vendor comes into our office he/she (usually he) rudely tells me to go get my office manager. I am the office manager.
6 tags
6 tags
Please fire me. One of my students told me, “You look tired. I can tell because of the purple bags under your eyes.” She is 12 and I am 22. Wonderful.
4 tags
Please fire me. I wear headphones all day long and my co-worker continues to tell me eight stories a day about her wedding planning.
3 tags
Please fire me. My boss won’t use a computer so I have to print off his emails.
5 tags
Please fire me. On the day of my 91-year-old grandmother’s funeral a co-worker (who knew about the funeral) felt compelled to email me an error message from Microsoft Outlook. asking for immediate help. She also knew the email would reach my Blackberry.
Please fire me. My boss’s long-time girlfriend just bragged that one of their daughters is, “…such a good eater. She can eat a whole Big Mac all by herself!” I had to suppress the urge to tell her that this is not a talent a five-year-old should have.
Please fire me. I have four managers, and there are 12 people that work here.