April 2010
62 posts
4 tags
Please fire me. I have to listen to Elton John’s “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” over and over everyday being played by the co-worker who sits across from me. I loathe that song. I’m tempted to blast her with some Slipknot from my iPhone if she keeps playing it.
2 tags
Please fire me. I had to teach my boss what it means to, and how, to copy and paste.
3 tags
Please fire me. The female co-worker sitting next to me, who I do not find attractive, constantly flirts with me. She just dropped her pen on purpose just to watch me bend over and pick it up.
2 tags
Please fire me. Our credit union computer equipment is literally from the 70s and constantly breaking down while helping people. Now, that says good customer service!
3 tags
Please fire me. The CEO here makes employees fix their car if even a little part of the tire is touching the white line of the spot. He says it looks unprofessional.
Please fire me. We only have one working blender left at our smoothie shop.
2 tags
Please fire me. I work in fast food and customers like to make up items they never ordered and then ask for them when we bring them their food.
3 tags
Please fire me. When talking about imminent layoffs, my boss described how he was still going to work for the company. In lengthy detail he described his glamorous new position. At the end of his speech, he looked at us and said, “I have nothing concrete to tell the rest of you.”
3 tags
Please fire me. After every accomplishment, my supervisor stands up and yells, “O’Doyle Rules!”
1 tag
Please fire me. I start dreading the Monday morning meeting on Friday night.
4 tags
Please fire me. My co-worker wears shorts skirts and no underwear. I asked her if she has seen the movie with the actress who uncrosses her legs and is wearing no underwear. She replied no but it sounds like a great movie.
3 tags
Please fire me. Our company settled a sexual harassment case and the boss was found guilty and fired. The employee who won the case still works here and the employees call her a slut.
1 tag
Please fire me. When my boss is forced to do her job (mind you, this is rare), we can hear her talking to herself through the thin dividing partition. She thinks we can’t hear her.
2 tags
Please fire me. I had to explain to a co-worker where the F key is.
2 tags
Please fire me. I just had a customer that smelled like a litter box that hasn’t been cleaned in a month.
3 tags
Please fire me. Every day I go to a place where the only time anyone talks to me other than to yell at me is to tell me my job is on the line because I take too long on the phone to resolve the customer’s issues. I work in our telephone service department.
4 tags
Please fire me. The guy in the cube next to me has a liter bottle of Germ-X on his desk, but constantly coughs without covering his mouth.
3 tags
Please fire me. We are still waiting on magical software that will solve our company’s money troubles.
2 tags
Please fire me. My job security is predicated upon the trust of malicious children.
2 tags
Please fire me. I’ve worn suspenders at least once a week since I’ve started here. My boss just exclaimed, “I haven’t seen anyone wear suspenders outside of a GQ Magazine for years!!! Awesome style!”
3 tags
Please fire me. We have just be told we can’t walk around in pairs, even if the job takes two or more people. We have to leave staggered, so people don’t see us walking together.
2 tags
Please fire me. My boss just asked me how to spell wagon.
1 tag
Please fire me. Please stop making my boss be twenty five years younger than me.
Please fire me. My boss who is out of town took the time to post witty comments on my Facebook page but did not bother answering any of the three emails I marked “urgent” in his inbox.
Please fire me. I was written up for sexism because I asked a female colleague to clean up a spill as I was dealing with a customer. Yet every time something needs lifting or moving I have to do it because I’m the only male on that floor or as my colleagues refer to me when they don’t want to do it the “man of the floor”. When I raised this while being written up I was...
Please fire me. My boss just asked me how the “dictionary people” stay in business if all this information is online.
Please fire me. I work for a woman who says she’s stepping out of the office for “about 15 minutes” and shows up again two hours later. Just enough time for me to do all her work for her while she’s gone.
Please fire me. My boss just asked me what I do here, after five months.
Please fire me. A female co-worker informed me everyone at head office calls me a MILF. She told me I should be grateful for such a title .
Please fire me . I work from a remote office and for the last five years I cannot get one person at head office to consistently send me my mail.
4 tags
Please fire me. I am expected to set up an event for tomorrow morning, exactly as it was set up last year. However, the space where the event was previously held is now occupied by a coffee shop. I told them that and they told me to work it out. So, would that be the fourth dimension? I am left wondering how to get the chairs to float.
4 tags
Please fire me. My boss, while on telephone sales call, said he was in his office. However, in the background we could here the drive-thru speaker blurt out, “What would you like to order today?”
4 tags
Please fire me. I write letters, speeches, and emails. I manage a Facebook page, create PowerPoints for my boss and get no credit for anything when she presents them to the Board of Directors as her own. And, I still get paid minimum wage because I am 19.
Please fire me. We get emails with subject lines like “Smoking outside: Let’s try to avoid burning the building down.” Sadly, these emails are not totally unwarranted.
Please fire me. I was supposed to be taking a vacation day tomorrow to start my drive to Vegas in time to make it to my best friend’s bachelor party. But I’ve just been told I have to be here to sign for the delivery of some boxes that are coming to our department. These boxes could be here as early as 9:00 am or as late as 4:40 pm, and literally anyone could sign for them, but the rest of...
Please fire me. A man asked me to leave the drinks he and his son had on the table so they could go out to smoke. He then asked, “Hey man, do you have a cigarette?”
Please fire me. Today I was reprimanded for doing exactly what my boss asked me to. When I reminded him that he had sent this request to me in email he said, “Well, you should know by now that’s not really what I meant.”
Please fire me. I have an unhealthy infatuation with my direct superior who is twice my age and married.
Please fire me. I have been in my job for two years and I still have no idea what the company actually does.
I attend meetings with people who just reel of processes to follow with no actual end result. If you deviate from work procedures, even if it’s an improvement, you are repremanded. There is no opportunity to progress into a new role and the people around me are about as ...
Please fire me. My co-worker starts every email with “Greetings and Salutations” .
3 tags
Please fire me. I just got back to work six weeks after having a baby, and my boss flew in town to check on me. He called a day later to say, “You look tired. You need to buy some heels and get acclimated. You don’t look as nice as you used to.” Then he wanted confirmation I wasn’t planning to have any more kids.
Please fire me. My supervisor claimed that he could not properly do his job due to a lack of training. He is in charge of the Training Department.
Please fire me. After a week of exhaustive technology training, the new girl asked for a clarification on something.
“On what?” I asked.
“Like, how to make the little people appear on the screen.”
We are a video game company.
Please fire me. My co-worker just told me a story about his vibrating cock ring.
6 tags
Please fire me. My boss underpaid me for my work and then asked me to buy him lunch.
6 tags
Please fire me. I work for an idiot 14-year-old, trapped in an idiot 40-year-old’s body. Not only does he forward pictures of naked women enjoying barnyard animals to everyone in the building, but he has a new Star Wars app on his iPhone. He walks around wielding it, while saying, “Luke, I am your father.” Then asks, ”Who’s your daddy, huh?”
4 tags
Please fire me. My boss constantly takes a dump in our only bathroom and fails to flush. I’m always the one who discovers it. The last two times, I’ve flushed and it stopped up the toilet. I was then forced to plunge the toilet to make my boss’s huge turd go down.
5 tags
Please fire me. I work as an ESL teacher. During the middle of a class teaching sixth graders, the principal added a remedial second grader without any notice or reasoning why. She then proceeds to back out the door saying, “Sorry.”
5 tags
