May 2010
32 posts
5 tags
Please fire me. I was asked by my boss if I play in a band still. I said yes. Then she asked me to write her a song about how I’m not going to be late anymore. I was two minutes late to work. Once. I don’t see the point in rushing to work to clean bathrooms for minimum wage. Sorry. Chick-fil-A’s delicious chicken biscuits are more important to me.
5 tags
Please fire me. You blocked my Gmail so now I have to secretly text people.
5 tags
Please fire me. I just got yelled at for wanting to go to the bathroom. My boss said I go to the bathroom more than his wife (I maybe use the bathroom once or twice during eight hours) which in return I said, “That’s gross that she holds it in.”
5 tags
Please fire me. I work my tail off for my employer, a small business entrepreneur and I haven’t gotten a raise for 19 months. I went into the office and asked for a cost-of-living raise and he condescendingly told me, “People always think more money will solve their problems.” The S.O.B. made $3 million last year.
2 tags
Please fire me. I went through a 20-hour supervisory training program because it was “necessary to become a supervisor” and upon returning to work today I was greeted by supervisors whom my company hired off the street.
5 tags
Please fire me. My boss regularly prints out .pdf e-mail attachments and then asks me to scan them into our server as a .pdf.
5 tags
Please fire me. My employer just walked into the office and said, “Poor people are poor for a reason. Usually they’re lazy and stupid.” Wow. I’m poor because I work my ass off, yet you pay me $9.50 an hour. I can make more on unemployment.
2 tags
Please fire me. I’m spending my days operating a cash register when a machine does the same thing just as well. And what’s more, the machine is impervious to scathing look, rude remarks and moronic customers.
5 tags
Please fire me. I occasionally have to attend meetings in the conference room where a colleague seduced me. I fell for him. He still works here too. The women in our lives would not approve.
5 tags
Please fire me. My co-worker got upset no one remembered his birthday so he took a photo of his poo in the toilet and sent it as a group all.
5 tags
Please fire me. I don’t want to listen to you talk about the 60s anymore; it is over let it go. It is impossible to tell whether a child is allergic to a food by spinning a crystal over their head.
3 tags
Please fire me. I just had a phone conversation with a customer who treated me like I was so dumb. He even told me how to spell Jim and then called me Claudia. My name isn’t Claudia. Not even close.
5 tags
Please fire me. Last week I was disciplined for smiling.
4 tags
Please fire me. One of my students wrote that she wants to go to graduate school and get her “doctric”. She is a senior in college and will teach elementary children next year.
4 tags
Please fire me. There is a sign on the toaster over that says undergoing maintenance.
6 tags
Please fire me. After I logged in yesterday at my insufferable, degrading tech support job that only pays $8 an hour for its trainees, I got this inspiring chat window pop up from my younger clueless team leader: “You’re almost going to be promoted! You’re actually doing a good job this month!” To twist that insulting compliment knife further, that promotion would only be $1 an hour. And...
3 tags
Please fire me. I share a cubicle despite the fact I have 20 years of experience. The space is way too small for two people. I think pigs are treated better when they are in veal-fattening pens. To make matters worse, my cube-mate surfs the net all day and searches for images of 85-year-old actress Cloris Leachman.
Please fire me. I’m a web designer. My boss wants me to fit all content for webpages within the size of her monitor. “My friend told me that people don’t scroll.”
I have also taught her how to copy a URL from an email and paste it into an address bar. Twice.
3 tags
Please fire me. While we were all sitting around a conference table at a weekly meeting, I watched my co-worker draw a picture of a dagger on her notepad.
Please fire me. My co-worker’s exercise ball, used as his office chair, just exploded. And now there’s a dozen small, lead, hand painted Dungeons & Dragon’s figurines falling onto his overweight body lying prostrate on his cube floor.
2 tags
Please fire me. When I eat lunch with my supervisor she moans the whole time. I doubt her cabbage salad tastes that good.
2 tags
Please fire me. The regional manager that I share my office with thinks the abbreviation on the control key stands for “curtel.” That’s not even a word!
Please fire me. This sales guy across the way thinks I’m his therapist.
Please fire me. My boss regularly strolls into my office to have “a quick meeting” five minutes before I leave, which always last at least an hour.
3 tags
Please fire me. My boss didnt even read the document I have spent years working on. His only comments were “indent” and “add pictures”.
2 tags
Please fire me. The food we serve is moldy and customers get sick in the toilet.
3 tags
Please fire me. I currently work in tech support and on a near-daily basis I have to explain to people of all ages, races, and demographics how to right-click. Often our conversation begins, “Do you see how many buttons are on your mouse?”
Please fire me. I work at a small grocery store. We have two credit card machines for three registers. If you move one too much, the entire thing shuts off and it takes at least ten minutes to reboot. And for some reason customers still think that if I run it through as debit it will somehow take less time. Nope. It shuts off.
5 tags
Please fire me. Being $18k under the standard pay rate for my position, I’ve been expecting a raise the last year and a half. Instead of raises though, my company got us pepperoni pizza they served to us while playing “Eye of the Tiger” to get us excited for our job, and, as a special token of gratitude for our hard work, a $25 gift card to Target.
4 tags
Please fire me. My co-worker insists on using my rubbish bin to drain her can of tuna because, “I am soooo hungry!” Never mind that the smell of tuna makes me retch, and she has her own bin.
4 tags
Please fire me. Old people that come in the spa area keep telling me, “Please turn the jets on, young sir!” I am a woman, if you couldn’t tell by my swim suit. Also, the button for the water jets is right next to you.
1 tag
Please fire me. I only get five hours of work a week and everyone at work hates me.