June 2010
22 posts
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Please fire me. My co-worker just informed me that bananas were a dairy product.
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Please fire me. Today we got an email from our boss complaining about how none of us are following the dress code. Included on the laundry list of items in violation of the code was the following item: pants. I am male. I wear pants everyday.
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Please fire me. For a Christmas bonus I get a $100 gift card from the owner… to the convenience store I work at.
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Please fire me. A co-worker Googled herself on my computer when I went to lunch.
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Please fire me. My co-worker’s parent died, and to approve her day off to prepare for the funeral “management” requested the death certificate.
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Please fire me. I am madly in love with the German guy that sits across from me. He thinks I’m a total loser and I have to see him every day.
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Please fire me. My supervisor just asked my permission for her to do her job.
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Please fire me. I took a 10-day vacation from my job in shipping and receiving. Since I got back, my boss constantly asks me about the things that were shipped and received while I was away. I get the blame for any mistake made.
There are four people out of the the 10 that work at my branch that are trained to do my job. I WAS 1200 MILES AWAY. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WAS HAPPENING AT WORK! Shipping...
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Please fire me. Last week, two co-workers were found in the employee bathroom having sex.
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Please fire me. My boss, in a federal job, used the “n-word” in day two of training.
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Please fire me. I work at a law enforcement agency and the registration on our patrol cars are out of date.
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Please fire me. Two of my co-workers in my cramped office just spent five minutes loudly cackling about a picture they were sent via email of a man with an exceptionally hairy back. They thought it was the most hilarious and disgusting thing they’ve ever seen. They were shrieking and near tears because OMG SO FUNNY RIGHT!!! They made me look at it. I didn’t laugh.
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Please fire me. The owner’s wife (45 and healthy) just parked her Mercedes halfway in the handicap spot/sidewalk, then got out her umbrella for the five-step walk to the front door.
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Please fire me. As a “team building” exercise, my boss wants to go whitewater rafting. At this moment the snow-melt is abnormally high and several experienced rafters died last week.
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Please fire me. My co-worker just finished a two-hour mandolin solo because he “didn’t have anything better to do”.
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Please fire me. I’m the only smoker at the office.
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Please fire me. I found out the company I work for distributes Uwe Boll movies.
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Please fire me. My boss called me a “f*cking idiot” and waved a loaded buffalo rifle at my stomach.
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Please fire me. Our boss decided this year’s big “PR Improvement” project would be to make the floor 100% pet friendly. We sell furniture, and I’m now in charge of cleaning litter boxes.
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Please fire me. The headset I use at my crappy tech support job got damaged (though still working) through no fault of my own when my motorcycle slid down a wet hill with me under it. When I asked for a replacement, they informed me that due to the damage it would cost *me* $60 to replace. To make matters worse, I make $8 an hour, which is barely enough for me to make rent, forget about three...
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Please fire me. I work for a small business. None of the employees asked for raises this year because we were trying to help out in these hard times any way we could. My boss just bought himself a 2010 Chevy Camaro. It doesn’t even have a license plate on it yet.
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Please fire me. At twenty I am the second-youngest person working at my restaurant. And yet, I get to put up with co-workers constantly saying phrases like “nasty style,” drawing sperm on our reservation books, and distorting everything I say into some sexual innuendo. Lately, my co-workers have been telling me I should be a stripper, that I look innocent, and that I look like a 60s porn star. And...