March 2011
18 posts
2 tags
Please fire me. This is the fourth time in four weeks I had to change my job title on my email signature, and I just got hired four weeks ago.
4 tags
Please fire me. My boss drinks pickle juice out of the jar in front of me and thinks nothing of it.
2 tags
Please fire me. My manager is unsure how to use Google.
3 tags
Please fire me. My boss made me show him how to download porn on his Mac.
1 tag
Please fire me. I have a co-worker whose cartoon reindeer screensaver plays Christmas music multiple times every hour, loudly enough for me to hear over my ear buds, three cubicles over. Yesterday was the first day of spring, but it still sounds like the holiday shopping season is in full swing over here.
Please fire me. My boss constantly asks me to review his notes for mistakes after he uses spell check, I always find at least 15 words misspelled and yet he thinks he’s the smartest man to walk this earth. During my performance assessment he said I’m a great worker, but he senses that I dislike my job. He puts me on the late night shift every week with the laziest group of employees anyone could...
1 tag
Please fire me. I work alongside my lying toe-rag of a recent ex-boyfriend, who used sneak around with ex-girlfriend’s behind my back. I would stab a fork in my eye before trusting him again, and I hope he find every happiness with “baby bear” (the other one).
1 tag
Please fire me. My supervisor does not live in reality. She routinely spends part of her day explaining various movies to me as if they are real. She is convinced that 2012 is real. I hope it is because at least then there is an end in sight.
1 tag
Please fire me. It has been 11 days since anyone has seen or spoken to our President/CEO. He does not think it is necessary for anyone on staff to know where he is or what he’s doing or when he might return.
1 tag
Please fire me. My co-worker uses her earring backs to clean her teeth during our department meetings.
1 tag
Please fire me. The receptionist in the cubical behind me constantly talks on her cellphone. Last week she informed her daughter she was going through “the change.” This morning she ordered horse sperm.
1 tag
Please fire me. The 50-year-old lady in my office constantly Blackberry Messages with the volume loud and goes on Facebook all day, and her screen saver now reads, “Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?” She’s a supervisor.
1 tag
Please fire me. My client just called me to have her change the time on her clock for the third time this month and asked for help because somebody has been stealing her pen caps. It goes without saying that this was not in the job description.
2 tags
Please fire me. All of my co-workers watch Two and a Half Men.
1 tag
Please fire me. The team lead is constantly gawking at me, standing too close, awkwardly brushing against my hands and back. No one else thinks he’s a creep. Nobody believes me.
1 tag
Please fire me. My boss thinks the Internet is going to backfire and dissolve. He believes that marketing online is impersonal and doesn’t work. Yeah, cold calling, that’s the ticket!
2 tags
Please fire me. I just started crying at my desk when it sunk in that I work for a person who thinks her iPad is broken when the batteries are too low to turn it on.
Please fire me. All of my co-workers are divorced, depressingly single, pack-a-day smokers.