April 2011
78 posts
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Two Weeks’ Notice:
PhotoShop The Royal Couple At A Real Job
Recruits: Please Photoshop the Royal Couple into your boring job, looking just as un-fairy-tale-like as they would be if they were born into a normal life. We defeated the British to cast off the very class system the powerful in this country are trying to bring back.
The best PhotoShops will all be featured on PleaseFireMe.com,...
Please fire me. As I was stretching my neck, my boss came up to me and said that if he “wouldn’t get in trouble” (while motioning quotation marks and rolling his eyes), he would enjoy giving me a nice massage.
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Please fire me. We are not allowed to bring our children for “Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day” because they pose a “security threat.”
I do not work for a company where that would apply.
However, our boss gets to bring in her puppy. It peed on the floor by my desk and she looked at me like I am supposed to clean it up.
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Please fire me. This woman just came back to work after being gone for two years. I have worked there two years.
She was hired two weeks before me and left thee weeks after I was hired. Now, shes back! And she’s the new store manager. And she wants to tell me how to do my job.
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“Please fire me. I want to dance burlesque full-time at the Blue Angel. I appreciate the whistles there.”—@loganbelle
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Please fire me. Instead of coffee, my boss drinks powdered chicken broth from a mug. Four or five cups a day.
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Please fire me. My co-worker insists on telling me EVERY TIME she is about to have a bowel movement. It starts with a, “Oooh, I have to poop.” Then a few minutes later, “Yeah, I really think I have to poop.” Then a few minutes after that, “Yep, I’m pretty sure I have to poop.” The whole while, she groans very loudly and holds her stomach, and ensures that I respond to her...
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Please fire me. Programmers at work are thinking they’re art directors now.
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Two Weeks’ Notice:
Operation: Let Them Eat Cake! Put A Cake On Your Boss’s Desk!
Recruits: Deliver a delicious treat frosted with revolution! Put a piece of cake on your boss’s desk and write a PFM slogan on the napkin. Snap a picture! Examples of PFM slogans include, but are not limited to: “Vive les Employees!” “Please Fire Me!” or the ever-popular “F*ck The Boss!” The best cake photos...
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Please fire me. My direct supervisor uses “FYI” as the subject line of every single email she writes. FYI: She’s been doing this for years.
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Please fire me. My boss is pregnant and spends half the day on the phone loudly describing her symptoms of the day. Most recently? Leaky-faucet breasts and gas.
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Please fire me. I got up on time at 6am for my rubbish job, but my train was late. My boss seems to think I control the trains and said to me, “I know it’s hard but look how busy we are; try harder.” I don’t drive the trains!
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Please fire me. I proposed a more efficient way of doing a certain task at my job, which was denied. Then at my next employee evaluation, under negatives was listed: “Shows too much initiative.” And then I was demoted.
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Please fire me. Happy Administrative Professionals Day!
I have been in my job for the past ten years, during which time I have been laid off once, and had my hours cut three times. I am currently earning just enough to pay my rent, cell phone bill, and car insurance, with a couple hundred left to splurge on food and anything and everything else I will need to survive for the next 30...
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Please fire me. My boss sent me a bucket of dyed seashells and pop rocks because “we strive to be Limpets.” Limpets because we “cling to our clients” not because we are really nasty barnacles.
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Please fire me. I have a co-worker who has been employed by the company I work for, for over 30 years. As the years go by so do her productive job obligations. Due to her lack of meaningful work assignments, she takes it upon herself to complete the most mindnumbing, irritating, and wasteful tasks ever!
Not only does she laminate every last side of the adding machine tape she adheres to her...
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Please fire me. My supervisor told me my desk was too clean.
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Two Weeks’ Notice:
Operation Woof! Bring Your Dog to Work!
For the remainder of the week, bring your pup to work to ruff up your office! Take photos! The best photo of “man’s best co-worker” will be announced Monday. The owner of the dog will receive a free, signed copy of Please Fire Me: Posts from the Revolting Workplace, while the dog will receive a biscuit of his choosing. Send in your...
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Please fire me. I just taught my boss how to cut and paste again. Feels like the 400th time.
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Please fire me. My co-worker got arrested for running a meth lab. He has a PhD in chemistry.
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Please fire me. My boss thought it was funny to call me and tell me an error I made was grounds for termination. Just as I was about to freak out, he began laughing hysterically and informed me that he was only kidding, I’m “doing a great job and have a good day.”
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Please fire me. When I told my boss I needed to leave the state to see my grandmother who was dying she said to me, “You know you can’t use bereavement time until after she’s dead.”
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Please fire me. My co-workers have started playing something called MineCraft; they have even built their own server for it. They talk about it like IT’S REAL LIFE, like they are really building houses and accomplishing something. These are all GROWN MEN.
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Please fire me. I work in a library. People who borrow books are called borrowers. All of my co-workers say “barry-ers” and today one asked me, “Who wrote A Tale of Two Cities?”
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WatchTwo Weeks’ Notice:
PFM Revolution Anthem Submission #4:
“Bad Day” by The Flaming Lips.
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Two Weeks’ Notice:
At 4pm EST the official anthem of the PFM Revolution will be announced. We’ll notify the winner and send them a signed copy of Please Fire Me: Posts from the Revolting Workplace. Until then, we’ll post all contenders. Keep ‘em comin’, recruits!
Reblog an anthem to help campaign for one you believe in. Or click like if you, you know, like it.
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Please fire me. I was volun-told to dress up as the bear mascot for a local school. The last thing I remember was a recess bell and someone yelling “HE LIKES HUGS!”
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Two Weeks’ Notice:
What song inspires you to keep fighting no matter how dead you are inside?
Welcome, recruits! The PFM Revolution needs an anthem! Simply answer the question at the top of this post and submit to us.
At 4pm EST the official song of the Revolution will be announced. If you submitted it, you’ll receive a signed copy of Please Fire Me: Posts from the Revolting Workplace.
...
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Please fire me. Last night my boss yelled at me for not sending a brief out by 8pm that HE didn’t finish until after midnight.
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Please fire me. I get written up by my superiors if I don’t write up a certain number of subordinates every month.
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Please fire me. My co-worker tells every customer about how he “recently” put his dog down. His dog has been dead for nearly two years and will tell reoccurring customers the same story.
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Please fire me. My boss thinks the saying goes, “It’s not rock science!”