Please fire me. My boss farts in the hallway outside my office. He often tells me I need to work on my maturity.

Please fire me. There is mouse droppings on my desk. The guy that sits near me is the one with crumbs around his desk, not me.

Please fire me. I get paid less than the 16-year-olds I train.

Please fire me. I was just told by my boss I would get written up next time I asked her why we do things. 

Please fire me. I saw my co-worker trying to act casually in his car while he got a blow job from a girl we work with, which was parked across from our building.

Please fire me. My boss needs a new vocabulary. I’m really tired of shaking trees, circling wagons, thinking outside of boxes, and trying to be on the same page.

Please fire me. I was asked to stop a canned food drive for a battered women and children shelter because it was tacky.

Please fire me. I am forced to sit on the floor and work during shift overlaps; they rarely vacuum.