Please fire me. My former receptionist put her nasty fake tooth on the front counter in front of patients while she lip-smackingly ate pancakes and Stromboli at the desk. Every day. After the meal, she would suck a big loogie back in her nose and swallow it. Every day.

Her replacement randomly tucks his pant legs into his socks, uses the phrase “Well, aren’t you the bomb-diggity?” and screeches “WAAAAZZZZUUUP!” You got it: every day.