The PFM Book

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Please fire me. I just had to endure a customer yelling and berating me for several minutes because I had no idea how to make him a Blimpie Best®. 

I work at Subway.

Please fire me. An older customer asked me if I wanted to smoke weed with him, then he said he doesn’t smoke unless it’s after sex but it has to be quick.

Please fire me. I worked in an ice cream shop where a woman once got vanilla frozen yogurt for her 2 year old (despite our protests that the ice cream is much more popular with kids). After the kid tried to eat the yogurt with her hands, her mother asked if she could ‘return it’ because her daughter didn’t like it.

Please fire me. I got a counseling at work because a secret shopper said that the only thing I did wrong was that my smile “wasn’t sincere enough.” I asked what WAS sincere enough, and I was told “just smile bigger and stop making excuses.”

Please fire me. I work in a book store chain. We have 170,000 titles in the store.  Some lady just came in and asked for “the book with the blue cover.”

Please fire me. An old man stabbed me with a fork while i was trying to take his wife’s dirty dishes. It was an empty plate but he said I need to make sure she is finished. 

Please fire me. My boss made me role-play how I give change to customers because the previous customer dropped her change on the counter.

Please fire me. A customer returned a coffee-maker because it “told him evil things while it made coffee.”

Please fire me. I was just accused of being prejudice against white people. I’m white.

Please fire me. Today at work a lady tried returning a package of adult diapers, and proceeded to start yelling at me when I refused to refund her. The package had been opened and one of the diapers looked like it had been used.