The PFM Book

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Please fire me. I was told off today for apparently discussing my sex life with customers. The person who reported me was a man I refused for a date.

Please fire me. I’ve repeated the phrase “No, we won’t have the iPhone 6 until the day it comes out” about 75 times today. Guess where I work?

Please fire me. A customer at my coffee shop came to the counter, insisting that I change our playlist. Because we were making him listen to ‘death music.’

It was Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy.”

Please fire me.

Them: “Hi. I fucked up. Please fix it.”

Me: “Well, I can’t fix it, but I can tell you how you can fix it.”

Them: “Fuck you!”

Please fire me. My boss yelled at me when I refused to sell customers food that was six hours past the throw out time. Two hours later, my boss yelled at me again for not tossing the old food.

Please fire me. I just had to endure a customer yelling and berating me for several minutes because I had no idea how to make him a Blimpie Best®. 

I work at Subway.

Please fire me. An older customer asked me if I wanted to smoke weed with him, then he said he doesn’t smoke unless it’s after sex but it has to be quick.

Please fire me. I worked in an ice cream shop where a woman once got vanilla frozen yogurt for her 2 year old (despite our protests that the ice cream is much more popular with kids). After the kid tried to eat the yogurt with her hands, her mother asked if she could ‘return it’ because her daughter didn’t like it.

Please fire me. I got a counseling at work because a secret shopper said that the only thing I did wrong was that my smile “wasn’t sincere enough.” I asked what WAS sincere enough, and I was told “just smile bigger and stop making excuses.”

Please fire me. I work in a book store chain. We have 170,000 titles in the store.  Some lady just came in and asked for “the book with the blue cover.”