The PFM Book

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Watch our "Please Fire Me: Posts from the Revolting Workplace" Book Trailer!

Please fire me. Today at work a lady tried returning a package of adult diapers and proceeded to start yelling at me when I refused to refund her. The package had been opened and one of the diapers looked like it had been used.

Please fire me. I was just accused of being prejudice against white people. I’m white.

Please fire me. I had to explain to a woman if we are out of stock of an item it is not in the store for a whole 30 minutes.

Please fire me. An old man stabbed me with a fork when I tried to take his wife’s dirty dish. It was an empty plate. He said, “You need to make sure she is finished.”

Please fire me. I just got yelled at by a customer for not putting a fork in his bag. He proceeded to tell me that I deserved to be mopping the floors rather than helping customers.

Please fire me. A customer just yelled at me for her ice not staying on the bottom of her cup of coffee.

Please fire me. I work at a call center where people order sex toys. The other day I had a woman ask about how one particular vibrator worked, I said I didn’t know. She then asked, “Can you take it to the bathroom and try it out?” and assured me she could wait.

Please fire me. I work at a supermarket and a 60-something man yelled at me today because he couldn’t guess his pin number.

Please fire me. A customer just walked in and exclaimed, “It smells so coffee-ish in here!!”

…I work at a coffee shop.

Please fire me. I work at a library and get asked out all the time.  I am 18, and the average age of the asker is at least 50.