Please fire me. Stop paying me to sit at a desk and do absolutely nothing. I am underutilized, uninspired, and my brain is now mush.
Please fire me. After graduation I thought, “I landed the dream job!”
Now, I am left alone in an office all day to stare at the walls. I’m given no tasks to work on. I’ve been there for three months and no one has noticed I do NOTHING. I feel like I should have an existential crisis, but I don’t know how because I wasn’t a philosophy major.
Please fire me. My boss just left me a message saying that she was in and needed my help. The emergency? She was stuck in her coat.
Please fire me. The illiterate are in charge. The ability to craft a basic sentence is noticeably absent from the requirements for management.
I weep for the spell check button, the loneliest button of them all.
Please fire me. I’m a historian being told how to create a museum exhibit by someone who majored in gym.
Please fire me. I currently work in tech support and on a near-daily basis I have to explain to people of all ages, races, and demographics how to right-click. Often our conversation begins, “Do you see how many buttons are on your mouse?”
Please fire me. I only get five hours of work a week and everyone at work hates me.
Please fire me. I had to teach my boss what it means to, and how, to copy and paste.
Please fire me. My boss just asked me how to spell wagon.
Please fire me. It is possible to not even work for weeks and our bosses would never know.