Please fire me. I work with a bunch of middle-aged egocentrics who act like they’re 16 and dress like they’re streetwalkers.

Please fire me. Yesterday I had to scan an entire book (300 pages) and email it to one of my bosses. Today, he told me that he accidentally deleted the email and needs me to do it again.

Please fire me. A co-worker of mine repeatedly asks me for the password to one of our software programs. Every time he does, I forward him the email I sent him the very first time he asked… over a year ago.

Please fire me. During my performance review, I was told I wouldn’t be getting a raise because I’m not peppy enough. My job entails filing paperwork. 

Please fire me. I may not get a well-deserved raise because I didn’t say good morning to my co-workers.

Please fire me. My co-workers use the unisex bathroom to have sex.

Please fire me. My boss makes all his calls on speaker phone and then proceeds to tell me about the entire phone call. I sit right out side his office; I can hear all his calls myself.

Please fire me. The child I babysit put a pink vibrator on my bare arm. And her older brother likens me daily to overweight characters, such as everyone from the movie Heavyweights and Pumba.

Please fire me. When I try to let my boss know about staff problems, he blames it on Obama.

Please fire me. I was taking a dump in the men’s room when two of my female co-workers walked in and started whispering about their stomach stapling.