The PFM Book

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Please fire me. One of my coworkers tripped and landed face first on the cement floor. The nosebleed was pretty bad so they called an ambulance. Before the paramedics got there, the head of our safety department cleaned up all the blood, stopped the nosebleed, and tidied up the area. When they arrived, she told them that the coworker had landed on her arm instead.

To this day, we are not allowed to talk about what actually happened. We all have to work with the ‘official’ story or we risk getting in trouble with management. This is the third time something like this has happened in the year I have been there.

Please fire me. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and when I can feel a panic attack coming on, I am usually left on the shopfloor until it becomes fully blown before I am ushered out of the sight of customers. One time when I made it to a staff area, I was called into the manager’s office and told to never have an attack in front of members of staff again.

Please fire me. I work at a restaurant with a bunch of creepy cooks. Today my boss told me that he hid one of the cooks and covered for him when the cops came in looking for him. 

Please fire me. I work at a thrift store for $8.75/hour and a customer approached me yesterday to accuse me of “throwing the receipt at her” the past two times I rung her up. 

Please fire me. I suffered a miscarriage that took me out of work for a day and a half. On the following Monday in my weekly one on one, my boss said “Take care of yourself so you don’t have to slack on the job. Next time at least be married.”

Please fire me. I am a server and one of the women at a family-filled table handed me a business card when she paid. I looked at the card later to realize she was a consultant for sex toys.

Please fire me. A coworker asked me what my last name was, despite having walked by the name plate on my desk for the past two years. 

Please fire me. We got new carpet last week. The manager was unhappy about how it was handled and was grouchy about it for two weeks. Yesterday that caused another employee so much stress that she cried and threw up…in my trash can.

Please fire me. The family who owns this company lets their preschool children run wild through the building while they congregate in the storeroom to smoke and gossip. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve found the kids completely unattended in a room full of running machinery. 

Please fire me. There was a small fire at our company, and the third shift didn’t realize they had to call the fire department and evacuate the building. They called the IT guy, because the fire was near electrical equipment. The next day management decreed all employees had to undergo safety training. Did training start with the third shift workers? No way. Day shift went first. After a week management decided to stop the retraining because it was costing too much. The second and third shifts really didn’t need safety training anyway.