The PFM Book

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Please fire me. I work in construction which requires a lot of different tools for different jobs. When I was called to a job last minute, I was berated because I didn’t have the necessary tools. After we concluded that I couldn’t have known what to bring, I asked my boss, ”Do you expect me to pull tools out of my ass? What do you think I am, a spider?” He did not get the joke…at all.

Please fire me. A customer told me I was “too stupid to work anywhere else” when I told him I couldn’t accept his Costco card as an acceptable form of ID with his AmEx.  

Please fire me. My boss yelled at me because I wouldn’t let his teenage sons run the press and paper cutter while he was out. I also clocked out to drive them home. They were so stoned they couldn’t stand up, but I’m the reason the company’s not productive.

Please fire me. We recently hired a new general manager, who tends to over-explain very simple things. Today, regrettably, I asked him to double check a tax exemption profile I filled out, as it was federal and I’m more accustomed to state. The thirty minute seminar ended with him explaining how to use a stapler remover.

Please fire me. My boss insists that I can work 12 hour days, so she can take every weekend off. 

Please fire me. My boss is a married man with three kids, and is trying to get me to go to the cabin our company owns, with him. ALONE. 

Please fire me. I just watched my boss struggle to change a walkie talkie from channel 1 to channel 2. When he couldn’t figure it out he gave it to me and said, “Here, you do it!”

Please fire me. My manager stalks our Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We can’t even say we’re tired or call in sick without being spied on our social media.

Please fire me. I got written up for having sex in the bathroom because I came out at the same time as my male co-worker.  It’s a unisex bathroom.

Please fire me. I work for a newspaper as an obituary editor and had a customer call me an “inconsiderate bitch” for using the term “deadline.”