The PFM Book

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Please fire me. Someone placed the paper shredder in my office, now everybody asks me to shred their paper. Shred your own shit people. 

Please fire me. My boss told me to consult with him before I think.

Please fire me. I just worked 20 hours and got a $9 pay check because of union dues.

Please fire me. A guest asked me if I was going to go home and drink heavily after my shift. Probably.

Please fire me. My entire team hates one another. We have birthday gatherings and sit in silence while everyone shovels cake into their mouths. Awkward. 

Please fire me. I just had a customer yell at me for 15 minutes solely for the fact that I touched his limes and those were his, not mine. I’m a cashier at a grocery store.

Please fire me. There are always 3 empty parking spaces at work. When I used one of them, I cut my commute from 1 hour to 20 minutes. But I got a written warning that my car would be towed.

Please fire me. I wear pencil skirts a lot and since I have a nice shape and big booty my boss is always rubbing past it. And then he says sorry and asks the same question over and over, “How many squats do you do woman!!??”

Please fire me. The owner’s 30-year-old son demands that we call him “King (Name)”. 

Please fire me. My boss called me from the front desk to walk across the office and shut her door.