The PFM Book

Inquiries: Please contact Adam Chromy

Watch Please Fire Me posts come alive in this BuzzFeed Video and send us your video or photo submissions.

Please fire me. Apparently, saying that people shouldn’t use the word “retarded” as an insult makes me “childish” and “selfish.” 

Please fire me. I work in a restaurant and the kitchen staff complained to the manager that it was 113 degrees in the kitchen and it was unbearable to work in. His response? “Some people pay good money to go somewhere for that hot.”

Please fire me. I had the following conversation with my boss today:

Boss: “Why didn’t you ask me to order this?”

Me: “Because it doesn’t sell.”

Boss: “You should’ve told me anyway.”

Me: “You yell at me when I order things that don’t sell and now you’re yelling at me for not ordering things that don’t sell.”

Boss: “Jeff, you should’ve learned by now, I’m going to yell at you regardless.” 

Please fire me. I just had to endure a customer yelling and berating me for several minutes because I had no idea how to make him a Blimpie Best®. 

I work at Subway.

Please fire me. My boss can’t take stress so she criticizes and yells at me for no reason. Then when I told her that she was yelling for no reason, she says, “You’ve got an attitude problem!” 

Please fire me. I had to witness my boss hoover down a plate of tri-tip and then chase it with a triple slice of red velvet bundt cake, all in the 7 minutes it took to toast my sandwich.

Please fire me. The next time some elderly resident asks me what they’re name is and where they are I’ll probably lose it and finally cry.

Please fire me. My boss made me serve a whole cheesecake that I had dropped on the kitchen floor.

Please fire me. A professor just back from sabbatical emailed all the staff members and asked them to come into the main office at 10:00 a.m. He then doled out a souvenir for each person except me, even the receptionist who only started on Monday got a gift. I’ve worked in this department for 16 years. He even gave gifts to some of the grad students from the things he had leftover.