The PFM Book

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Please fire me. I work at the security desk/office of the college dorm I live at and for the past HOUR, a high-pitched scream-like alarm has been blaring through the alarm security panel directly behind my head at my desk. Of course nobody could figure out why it wouldn’t stop so they just left me to sit in there. 

Please fire me. My coworkers and supervisors have accused me of being passive aggressive as if I am deliberately doing/not doing certain things just to piss them off. I’m doing my duties and then some. I look for ways to improve the business sales and then I am accused of attacking them when I try to explain myself and why I think my idea might be better. They are all against me and trying to make my life miserable now while being fake on the surface as if nothing is happening.

Now they are being passive aggressive towards me and I was left with barely any change in my cash drawer today. I have no way of going to get change as I cannot leave the store. Thank you for your childish behavior. My coworker said she ‘forgot’ to get change. More like conveniently. One quarter and 5 pennies left. Either you are an idiot or you are playing games. But I won’t stoop to your levels and play your game. Give me your best shot and see if I break. You’ll have to fire me before I quit.

Please fire me. I started out at $7.25 an hour 10 months ago and am still the only one working there that is paid $7.25 an hour.

Please fire me. I swear to God I love my job but the office is right next to a company that fixes speakers. They test them twice a week.

Please fire me. The head of our newspaper’s composing department is retiring. Instead of promoting the female assistant who had covered his vacations and trained all the staff for 20 years, they hired a 25-year-old man with no newspaper experience. He was fired from his last job for throwing an office chair at a woman who wouldn’t go out with him.

Please fire me. After wrestling a 100+ lbs Great Dane into his pen I leaned against the wall to catch my breath and was promptly snapped at to “stop standing around doing nothing.” 

Please fire me. One of my coworkers tripped and landed face first on the cement floor. The nosebleed was pretty bad so they called an ambulance. Before the paramedics got there, the head of our safety department cleaned up all the blood, stopped the nosebleed, and tidied up the area. When they arrived, she told them that the coworker had landed on her arm instead.

To this day, we are not allowed to talk about what actually happened. We all have to work with the ‘official’ story or we risk getting in trouble with management. This is the third time something like this has happened in the year I have been there.

Please fire me. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and when I can feel a panic attack coming on, I am usually left on the shopfloor until it becomes fully blown before I am ushered out of the sight of customers. One time when I made it to a staff area, I was called into the manager’s office and told to never have an attack in front of members of staff again.

Please fire me. I work at a restaurant with a bunch of creepy cooks. Today my boss told me that he hid one of the cooks and covered for him when the cops came in looking for him. 

Please fire me. I work at a thrift store for $8.75/hour and a customer approached me yesterday to accuse me of “throwing the receipt at her” the past two times I rung her up.