Please fire me.  I am a recent college graduate with a published thesis on immigration ethics.  I am currently working for a payday loan company which preys on people who manage their money poorly.  Yesterday, our collections department filed to foreclose on a 93-year-old woman’s house because she forgot about her loan.  It had been refinanced 64 times.  That’s $5760 she has given my company.  The loan was for $300.  After speaking with three different managers, I was told to “take everything she’s got” rather than just calling it even.

Please fire me. I am my ex-husband’s best friend’s assistant.

Please fire me. Today I pissed in my boss’s back garden, not out of spite, as an act of rebellion or revenge, but because he instructed me to. He insisted.

Please fire me. My boss thinks the phrase is “For all intensive purposes”.

Please fire me. My boss wrote me up for being sick too much. I work in a hospital.

Please fire me. My boss just handed me his (past due) doctor’s invoice to pay, for the removal of contagious warts.

Please fire me. Yesterday, my co-worker smuggled her annoying lap dog into work. The dog then got sick and vomited on me. My unit director found out and told me not to bring pets into work.

Please fire me. I work at a fancy downtown restaurant and someone left reservations with a note that said, “Will be be dropping off medication for one of the guests. She doesn’t like to take her anti-psycotic meds. Please crush up and hide in her food.”  Another tidbit read, “No male waiters. She likes to grope and get handsy with males who talk to her….” and also, “Avoid touching anything that came into contact with her mouth as she has a contagious infection.” W.T.F. Seriously?

Please fire me. A co-worker asked me if I like the smell of chloroform.

Please fire me. I’m tired of employees, customers and my kid. Please Please Please Please Please Please.

- THE BOSS