The PFM Book

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Please fire me. I work at a fast food restaurant and my boss calls me his little slave girl because of my Southern accent.

Please fire me. I have a bachelors degree and I can read, write, and speak 4 languages, and I work at a public library. Today I found porn in the men’s room used up until it was destroyed, checked out a million DVD’s to a very pregnant crackhead, and tired to help a woman locate her daughter who is currently in prison for forgery and operating a meth lab - all before 11 am.

Please fire me. I start my day at 4 am, crying before I get ready for work.

Please fire me. I work at a rental car company and constantly answer calls asking how to start cars, advise drivers not to drive with a flat, and deal with the aftermath of their wrecks. I don’t even drive yet. And now I’m worried about the maniacs I’ll encounter on the road when I do. 

Please fire me. My grumpy old boss doesn’t believe I get migraines so he turns the music up so loud that it drives visitors away, sprays highly concentrated air freshener to the point you can taste it, and then screams at me for throwing up due to my “imaginary migraines.”

Please fire me. I wrote my boss’s online college dissertation. On company time. Without a bachelor’s degree of my own. 

It passed.

Please fire me. I’m a waitress and I had a young man pull me aside and ask to see a manager because his food was too hot when I served it to him. He got a free dessert and I got no tip.

Please fire me. Today my boss walked into the staff lunch room and proceeded to show all of the female staff members a picture of his junk. I reported it and was written up for lying.

Please fire me. I work in construction which requires a lot of different tools for different jobs. When I was called to a job last minute, I was berated because I didn’t have the necessary tools. After we concluded that I couldn’t have known what to bring, I asked my boss, ”Do you expect me to pull tools out of my ass? What do you think I am, a spider?” He did not get the joke…at all.

Please fire me. A customer told me I was “too stupid to work anywhere else” when I told him I couldn’t accept his Costco card as an acceptable form of ID with his AmEx.