The PFM Book

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Please fire me. I work at a deli, and while I was serving a customer today, my manager walked by, stopped me, and gave me a five minute lecture—in front of the customer—about how I was putting too much meat on the customer’s sandwich and how wasteful I was. She then proceeded to show me the “correct” amount of meat to put on the sandwich, all while reprimanding me and apologizing to the customer for my incompetence.  

The customer I’d been serving had specifically asked for as much meat as possible on his sandwich.

Please fire me. I was told off today for apparently discussing my sex life with customers. The person who reported me was a man I refused for a date.

Please fire me. While cleaning out the wastebaskets in the office, I peaked at the open laptop on my boss’s desk. He had been looking at a dating site for people with herpes.  Now that’s all I think about when he talks to me.

Please fire me. I just listened to two women talk about how they wished McDonalds buns came in whole wheat because they were trying to be healthy. 

Please fire me. The boss has informed me that only when we hit goal will we get a “casual day.” Seems logical. Nothing will motivate me more to work towards HIS cash bonus than the lure of forgoing polyester blends once a month. 

Please fire me. I’ve repeated the phrase “No, we won’t have the iPhone 6 until the day it comes out” about 75 times today. Guess where I work?

Please fire me. I’m 22 with work stress induced heart problems of a 70 year old. The older lady i take care of is healthier than me.

Please fire me. My boss keeps making jokes about how “whipped” I am for my wife. But he’s the one that is actually being whipped.

Please fire me. I caught my boss watching Hentai at work, and I see the way he looks at me.

Please fire me. My boss gave me grief for taking a personal day for jury duty. She took a whole day off to get a haircut.