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Please Dump Me

Please fire me.  I heard my boss use “talk to the hand” three times today.

Please fire me. Today my boss called me from his vacation and asked me to look something up for him.  He wanted to find a guy he knows that does direct mail but he couldn’t remember his name.  The guy is Indian.  He asked me to Google “direct mail Indian” and find him.

Please fire me. I came into work today to find a stream of ants coming in from outside and heading straight for the owner’s dog’s food. After taking care of them, I then noticed an all out battle between the ants and little winged termites at the front of the store. They’re even in the light fixtures! And the owner just says to put out the ant bait to kill them off. I think we’ve got a bigger problem than that, Boss.

Please fire me. In an effort to admit he was tooting his own horn my boss just called himself “boastuous”.

Please fire me. Last week an attorney I work with told me I need to work out more. I weigh 102 pounds and I’m a female. The week before he rubbed my leg to see what “sexy shoes” I had on.

PFM Hero of the Week: Unidentified Co-Worker of Michael Kevin Lallana There’s something in the water and it’s the baby batter of co-worker Mr. Lallana. According to KTLA, a man has been arrested for putting semen in a co-worker’s water bottle. Twice. Tragically, even though our unidentified hero discovered her co-worker added a free protein shot to her unattended water bottle once, no one sawing it coming that he’d do it again. If Mr. Lallana is convicted, he could go to jail for up to three years with mandatory sex offender registration. Soon he could be singing the words of The Doors, “Love me two times, girl. I’m going away.” The only advice we can give to our hero, who most certainly does not appreciate this loving environment, is to bring her water bottle with her the next time she is out of the office.

PFM Hero of the Week: Unidentified Co-Worker of Michael Kevin Lallana

There’s something in the water and it’s the baby batter of co-worker Mr. Lallana. According to KTLA, a man has been arrested for putting semen in a co-worker’s water bottle. Twice.

Tragically, even though our unidentified hero discovered her co-worker added a free protein shot to her unattended water bottle once, no one sawing it coming that he’d do it again.

If Mr. Lallana is convicted, he could go to jail for up to three years with mandatory sex offender registration. Soon he could be singing the words of The Doors, “Love me two times, girl. I’m going away.”

The only advice we can give to our hero, who most certainly does not appreciate this loving environment, is to bring her water bottle with her the next time she is out of the office.

Please fire me. During my first Monday morning pee, I noticed these black hijiki looking things at the bottom of the urinals. I thought it was just some dirty urinal stuff until it start wriggling around…

Please fire me. During my first Monday morning pee, I noticed these black hijiki looking things at the bottom of the urinals. I thought it was just some dirty urinal stuff until it start wriggling around…

Please fire me.  I work with a suck up who acts as a walking video camera for the boss.

Please fire me. On my 2nd day at the job, prior to orientation or work assignments I received an outside office call on my desk phone. It was my boss. This is what she had to say. “Hello, this is your supervisor. I am calling to let you know that YOU ARE BEING WATCHED! I know what’s on your computer screen as we speak. I also know that the red light is flashing on your phone. You have a message. I have my informants and I will know where you are and what you are doing. CIAO CIAO.” Click. The rest has been demonically downhill. Please beseech the gods to save me.

Please fire me. My boss is discussing with his pals in sales exactly how many Viagra he is taking with him to Vegas this weekend. He is married, and has two children. His wife will not be attending. I want to vomit every time he opens his mouth.