The PFM Book

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Please fire me. I received a long, officious internal memo today that could have been summed up by sending an email saying “Don’t Gossip.”

Please fire me. My boss gropes the female employees and I can’t bring myself to report him. He’s forgiven so many of my mistakes, I need the money, and I don’t want anyone to know what happened.

Please fire me. I work for HP (the computer company) and two thirds of our PC’s are Dell.

Please fire me. I work at a pizza place and had to serve a couple who comes in every week and always asks for a certain server who always gives them a discount/free food but happened to have the day off. They got mad when I tried to charge them full price for a pizza (I don’t care if a customer comes in there every single day; if I don’t serve them myself on a regular basis, I don’t see why I should give them a discount) and informed me that they never get charged that much, and threw a fit until I refunded them a dollar. They then gave it to me as a tip and told me they would never return.

Please fire me. I work at Sonic. We have been out of ice cream, cups and beef for THREE days. I had a pastor tell me i was going to burn in hell. My boss says that he “hasn’t found time”. 

Please fire me. I had a customer tell me that his deceased wife’s bill should have been paid off by God when she died. My response? “I apologize sir but we do not receive payments from God.” He did not believe me.

Please fire me. I am a grammar fanatic and I work in a place where my boss cannot spell popsicle (usually goes with popscycles) and routinely mixes up aisles/isles & throw/through to name a few.

Please fire me. The other day a woman called to see if she could be seen at our medical office because her husbands PENIS EXTENDER was stuck inside of her.

Please fire me. I had surgery today and my boss asked if I will be coming in tomorrow.

Please fire me. I get in trouble for my “lack of efficiency” but I’m working on an computer that still has a floppy disk drive and runs on Microsoft Windows 2000! It’s 14 years old… Oh, and I get constant alerts of shutting down due to a thermal event. It heats up so bad it sounds like it’s gonna take off.