Please fire me. I work with a woman who believes she is an actual cast member of Sex and the City. She’s a counselor and often prefaces her advice with, “On Sex and the City they say…”

Please fire me. My boss keeps bringing her dogs in to work. They like to sit by me and show off their horrible gas problems.

Please fire me. My boss gave me grief for taking a personal day for jury duty; she took a whole day off to get her hair cut.

Please fire me. I found a butt plug in the lost and found today at work. 

Please fire me. I was yelled at for completing a task too early in my shift, which resulted in our Cold War era computer system getting confused and thinking I did it twice.

Please fire me. My co-worker borrowed my phone to take a picture and then sext it to himself.

Please fire me. I work in a warehouse in my boss’s basement and she refuses to get the mice exterminated. They poop on my desk and keyboard every night and store food in my printer.

Please fire me. Today at work a lady tried returning a package of adult diapers and proceeded to start yelling at me when I refused to refund her. The package had been opened and one of the diapers looked like it had been used.